Dark Romances - Dead Poets

I think it's peculiar how so often the most tragic, dark- and sometimes ugliest things can be the most beautiful and the most romantic.

Ophelia, pale and dead floating in the water with flowers about her. Who is more beautiful than she? Or the dangerous Lord Byron, whose dark prose and poetry captivates and romances me...not to mention his portrait. And of course I can't forget Poe, and his stories of lost loves and beautiful dreams yearned for- never really attained.

Here are my newest necklaces, inspired by the darkly romantic artists and poets I so admire...

These are all available for sale on my Etsy here.

It is so good to be making jewelry again! I have so many ideas, so much I want to do. By the end of the summer I hope to have made a doll, a website, the final painting in my flower queen series, and tons more new styles of necklaces. I really want to make a choker, and more vampire art. It feels so good to never be bored. It feels so good to be brimming with excitement and passion. I don't know what I would do without art! Life would be meaningless. I feel so lucky and so blessed. romanticism

Strange and Familiar

We were assigned a project in which we had to paint a person we knew from life, and a person we did not know from a photo. I knew I wanted to paint Poe right away, and because I knew that no one would have the patience to sit for me for a 50 by 50 painting, I decided to paint myself from life.

My fantasy got a little carried away, and I of course pictured myself as one of Edgar's dear lost loves. I got so into these paintings! I referred to the Victorian language of flowers and did my best to choose flowers I thought would convey what I wanted. For Edgar I chose black poppies (eternal sleep, imagination), mourning glory (love in vain) and nightshade. I did not find nightshade in the language but I associate it with death and beauty. For my portrait I chose lilacs (first love, emotion, innocence) forget-me-nots (true love)

I am happy with these paintings, and they were so much fun to do. The only problem is, I have no idea what to do with two 50 by 50 paintings!

In other news my summer is going well. Things are a little stressful right now. With my last semester of college approaching fast, I am becoming anxious about life as an adult. I am not sure what I will do when I get out, but the general plan is to keep making things to sell and find whatever job I can. I also have this goal to start my own cleaning business with a few friends. I am not really sure what I will do, but I dream about ultimately never working for anyone again and being self-employed by my art or cleaning endeavors. I have faith that everything will work out well, and try not to worry.

My job is starting in a week, I think that will be good for me because money will be coming in and it will put me on a better sleep schedule. Lately I have been falling asleep around 5am and getting up around 2 pm! I am turning into a vampire...The funny thing is when my job starts I am going to have to be up at 5am to be at work by 6:30. Oh what fun that will be!

One thing I have to look forward to is Jim Gaffigan. He is coming to Atlantic City and my boyfriend got tickets for us to see him next month. He is hilarious! watch him.

A Vampire's Kiss

"But first, on earth as Vampire sent,
Thy corpse shall from its tomb be rent:
Then ghastly haunt thy native place,
And suck the blood of all thy race;
There from thy daughter, sister, wife,
At midnight drain the stream of life;
Yet loathe the banquet which perforce
Must feed thy livid living corpse.
Thy victims are they yet expire
Shall know the demon for their sire,
As cursing thee, thou cursing them,
Thy flowers withered on the stem."
-Lord Byron

A new necklace I made last night. It is supposed to give the illusion of vampire love bites <3

I am currently working on a Lord Byron necklace among other things :)

And here are three other necklaces I made recently. I can't stop making Poe necklaces! The last necklace holds a portrait of Mary Shelley. I am working on a collection of gothic/horror writer jewelry. Now I must do Lord Byron, considering he was there the night Shelley came up the idea for Frankenstein.

These are all available for sale on my Etsy shop here

Forget me

You trap me in a cage
I go with you
I have
No choice
You fashion me a prison
Made from my own hair
Locks
Locked and strangled
Open only for one key
Made of
Your Teeth

Roses and Orchids, stuck in the past?

Here are two painting I finished recently. They are called "Rose" and "Orchid", both oil on canvas.

I included these paintings, along with "Two Sisters", "Drifting" "Ophelia" and another one I did not photograph yet in this jury at my school to get into a prestigious class called senior painting studio. It is great because you get your own studio, 6 credits (equivalent of 2 studio classes!) and personal time with two professors who visit you twice a week each.

Well, I did not get in. Out of 20 spaces I did not get in and I am pissed. Not because I think my art is the best in the world or greater than those who did get in, but because I have worked so hard and know I deserve it, while there are people who got in that I KNOW do their work the night before it is due and they get way with it because their work is abstract... And I know this because I spend hours and hours at school outside of class working on something for weeks, something it takes these people one night to do.

The reason they gave me for not getting in was that my work is "too much in the past" and not relateable to our time. Some of the professors on the jury told me I should give up completely and that I will never make it in the "art world" if I continue this way.

What the hell. What about the pre-raphaelites, what about neo-classicism, what about the work of Shakespeare, what about Opera? Many or these artists and artforms dealt with the past and with fantasy elements. They are highly regarded amoung many...Besides, I don't care about today, yes I live in reality the 21st century but does that mean I have to paint about it? I don't want to, I want to paint the reality that resides in my dreams and my fantasies. Maybe that is escapist, but so what?

I am so angry. I am such a fool for going to an art school where abstract art is in favor...And as mad as I might seem I am really heartbroken. I put so much on this, I have been working so hard keeping this goal always in mind and to know that the reason I was not accepted is not that I have a bad work ethic or can't paint, but because of my subject matter- its hard to not be hurt. I paint what I am passionate about, what interests me what captivates me and these people think it is crap and that I need to stop it?

Well I am not going to stop it. As far as I am concerned, I would never pick up a paintbrush again before painting things I have no passion for.

I am trying to be positive and be strong, but I can't help but feel bitter whenever I see the (last minute) people who got in and the professors who rejected me. I know I need to get over it, if I want to be an artist I have to learn how to accept rejection- it just sucks to know I don't have the support of the majority of my department.

I just want to get the hell out of this school. I am sick and tired of playing their games and now that I know this I have no incentive whatsoever to impress any of these teachers. I am going to do whatever I please, and only listen to the teachers whose work I respect. There are only two in the entire department whose work I admire anyway...the rest are primarily abstract artist who can't even teach me how to properly draw the human figure. Don't get me wrong, I don't think abstract art is crap but it is usually not my thing. I guess my art isn't these peoples thing either so WHATEVER

I'm not going to stop!

I can't figure out how to make this post not underlined, sorry!

Two Sisters

Once upon a time

There were two sisters

Twins

Identical in many ways

they loved to sing loved to dance

loved to explore the outdoors together

They loved one another very much

One day they both fell ill

It started with a cough, they were put to bed

But soon blood began to spill

from their mouths onto their open hands

staining their white gowns red

In desperation, their parents sought

A cure for their beloved twins

But no cure could be found

only a few feeble suggestions

It was said that perhaps the airs of the mountains

would do a world of good for the

Young one’s lungs

But also they heard that the airs of the forests

rich with the breath of plants

might be the only place to heal the girls

Unsure of what to do

they decided with heavy hearts

To send one girl to each place, in hopes of a cure

The girls had to part

Neither found health in mountains nor forests

they continued growing weaker

longing for the comfort of each other,

the sisters spent a great deal of time outdoors

as they had when they were

always together

One day

the same day

each sister ventured out and came to a lake

one was cold with patches of ice

the other warm and covered in plants

they both looked in

and gazed at their sisters face in the water

So happy to see one another

they leaned closer

and so weakened by their sickness

they fell

Water covered them, slowly creeping over their faces

Water filled their lungs

They died in peace

a faint smile on their lips

and a glint of life

captured in water

reflected in their eyes

Later when their parents were asked to identify the bodies

neither could say which girl was which

These are the paintings I had up for crit when my teacher told me I loved "beautiful corpses" hehe. I wrote this story after I painted them. I am taking Poetry class right now to fulfill a writing intensive requirement. We have to write a poem a week and are reading a lot of poetry. I have been so inspired by some of the poems our teacher has us read. Recently we read "The Book of Frank", by CA Conrad, a local poet. They are very weird, disturbing, funny, and sad. I just LOVE this book. It inspired me so much, and I have been writing quite a lot lately. I think Conrad has given me the courage to write freely and not worry about things sounding silly or strange. The funniest thing, Conrad grew up close to where I live in the country and used to sell flowers on the highway exit where I get off every time I drive home from school. I want to meet him someday, go to a reading, he is in NY right now but hopefully he comes back soon. Here are some of his poems from The Book of Frank I wanted to share;

"Frank makes

sores on

the wall

with a

hammer

he kisses them

strokes them

"I'm sorry!" he

says "I'm sorry!"

"Frank knows a
butterfly
who wonders
about her old
caterpillar
friends"

"May
flowers
Frank shuts
his legs
but
music
seeps
through"

Only a few of so many good ones, there are longer ones too. If you are interested here is his blog, http://caconrad.blogspot.com/

Beautiful Corpses

Here are two paintings "Drifting" and "Ophelia", I started another Ophelia painting but it needs a little more work.

Today my teacher turned to me during critique and declared in front of everyone "You just love beautiful corpses don't you?". I had never quite put it that way in my mind, but I nodded in complete agreement and admitted that I was coming to that realization. It actually made me kind of happy to hear him say that. For a while now I have been battling these conflicting styles and subject matters within my mind. I love fairies, beauty, flowers, and I love blood, decay, melancholic themes. I guess all of them are romantic in a way. Well, this semester I have finally realized that there is no need to separate my interests, why not just paint "beautiful corpses"?

I like this! I am happy with it, I'm finally alright. I do not care anymore what people think of me at school, and since I came to terms with that I have been painting painting painting what I WANT TO PAINT. I used to be so scared that if I painted "fantasy" "romantic" or "gothic" themes that people would call my work cliche and silly, so I tried to conform the best I could to what I thought would not get me ripped apart by professors and students. I don't know what happened though, it was sometime a few months ago. I just decided you know what, I am going to do my own version of Ophelia because I want to and I don't care that it has been done before or that it is a cliche. So I did it for my first painting crit, and to my utter shock no one said anything bad, people really liked it! I was so surprised...and then I started doing more and more paintings of what I wanted and more and more people gave me compliments and wanted to talk to me about my work.

Now I know that no matter what, the most important thing is to stay true to myself and paint what I am passionate about, regardless of my fears. I have learned that in the end, people respect you much more when you confident in your ideas and passionate about them.

I wish I could go back in time and told my 17 year old freshman self all of this, but I am so glad I have finally learned. From now on I am making a promise to myself to never, ever betray my heart again when it comes to art.