I feel very sad today and I am not completely sure why. Sometimes when I think about the future it makes me feel hopeless, and sometimes it makes me feel hope. It is such a contradiction.
I really want to draw or paint but I keep putting it off. It's so hard to make things come out right lately. I guess that is why I have been spending all my time making jewelry. It is new and fun and captures my mind so I don't think about sad things. Today I didn't feel like making it though, so I layed on the floor (because the couch is covered in jewelry supplies) and watcher "Hoarders" which always depressed me so I don't know why I do it! There was this old man who had 2 acres filled with crap and his house was so stuffed he had to live in a trailer and used a refrigerator that didn't work and had maggots all over his food and medication. The man was not very nice and going senile and he was quite alone because of being so not nice. Well I don't care if he's a scrooge, people need other to help them when being old. I feel like no one should have to be alone, but I guess we make our life situations.
It made me think about my grandpa (he isn't a scrooge at all like that man) but he is old, actually a lot older. 91. He is in the hospital right now because his legs have sores which are infected because his heart cannot get enough down there to heal it properly and of course he is retaining all this water his heart can't pump. When I came home from Rome I quickly realized that he could not be spending most of his day alone. I've been making sure he takes his medicine now and cooking for him but when I leave for school again we need to have a nurse to come every day. It's just one of those things that makes me sad, that life changes always. Just when you think you have settled in something changes. People come and they go and that is why I know I have to be okay myself on the inside because you can never guarantee that anyone will always be beside you.
School starts soon again and I don't feel ready. I don't know if I can handle putting as much pressure on myself this time as I did in Rome. I feel like I need to live a little. I have been spending a lot more time with friends and it has been so fun. This weekend we spent 3 days in AC having an out of control but hilarious and so much fun bachelorette party for my friend. Now I am home and its like oh yeah real life . I was having so much fun there and not thinking about anything. I was stupid though and dropped my phone in a toilet and ruined it and lost all my contacts, including this man I met who went to the same art school I go to. I really liked him.
There is so much I want to say but I know this blog isn't a secret. I wonder if it matters anyway? I don't know how some people spill there guts on their blogs, that is what I really want to do but too paranoid.
These are not really monoprints, only the one on the very bottom. The top is an etching and the middle is an aquatint. I really fell in love with printmaking this semester! It really is a love hate relationship though. I adore the results and making the picture, but I HATE the process.
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