Broken Dollies

My mother has been getting together a lot of her antiques to sell at a flea market this Sunday. These dolls were in my house growing up and used to frighten me very much, but now I think they are beautiful.

I asked her if I could have them and she said yes. I am having fun photographing them. I find their eyes so amazing and lifelike.

I have to think of names for them...

I am excited for the flea market!

a bit of a recluse....

In the past few months that I have been alone and without a boyfriend or close friendship I have realized something. I always knew I was an introvert, but I don't believe I ever realized just how much so. I have not been alone in 3 years, and now 20 years old and I am just starting to find myself. I have known for long now that time alone is VITAL for me. Lately I have been talking to friends less and less, and retreating to my room to be alone. But I am not sad! I am filled with joy, nothing fuels me like time alone. Whether I am in the garden photographing butterflies, in my room listening to music, painting, flipping through art books and fairytales, it is so close to this peaceful feeling that I want to attain. But I cannot shake this slight feeling of guilt, guilt for not being sociable. I do not want people to think that I do not like them, it is just that my time is so valuable to me. Spending too much time with others exhausts me. I cannot explain it. I know that I am not bad for needing to be alone, yet I feel like I am.

I feel like the society I live in (American) puts a lot of pressure on people to live a more extroverted lifestyle.

All I know is that without time alone I cannot create, or be inspired/ motivated enough to do anything.

I want to learn how to accept myself for having reclusive tendencies, and how to balance it with friendship. Where is the happy medium? I do not want to find myself all alone in the end. Really I do have the (perhaps naive?) dream of finding a man to be my companion, perhaps marry and have children. I want love, I do not really desire to spend my life in solitude.

I guess I just need to make friends with people who enjoy being alone as well. And one day, if he ever comes.....prince charming will have to be rather independent and full of passions like I am. That way we can both go off and do our thing, but always come back feeling energized and ready to share.

Does anyone else feel this way? I know it's not just me.

-Kamille

A New Idea

I never thought to make a blog before, but after viewing several artists blogs I have decided that this might be the perfect thing for me. I want a place to store my ideas, inspirations, and my artwork. I find so often that ideas come to me and then disappear. Even if I manage to write them down, I always seem to loose the paper or the book. Here I plan to write those things. I hope that this will make it easier for me to stay on track and not loose sight of all that I want to create and feel. This is more for me than anyone else, I do not expect many people to watch, but if they do it would be a lovely bonus.

I started sharing my art online on a website called Elfwood. I was 13 years old when I made my account. When I was 15 I discovered deviantart and have been posting there for 5 years now. Still, I long for a space my own to share more and to write more. This will be like a journal/scrapbook except in digital form.

I don't know what will come of this, maybe I will keep posting, maybe someone will happen upon this and get something too. I hope it turns out well!

For now it is an experiment.

-Kamille