Forget me

You trap me in a cage
I go with you
I have
No choice
You fashion me a prison
Made from my own hair
Locks
Locked and strangled
Open only for one key
Made of
Your Teeth

Roses and Orchids, stuck in the past?

Here are two painting I finished recently. They are called "Rose" and "Orchid", both oil on canvas.

I included these paintings, along with "Two Sisters", "Drifting" "Ophelia" and another one I did not photograph yet in this jury at my school to get into a prestigious class called senior painting studio. It is great because you get your own studio, 6 credits (equivalent of 2 studio classes!) and personal time with two professors who visit you twice a week each.

Well, I did not get in. Out of 20 spaces I did not get in and I am pissed. Not because I think my art is the best in the world or greater than those who did get in, but because I have worked so hard and know I deserve it, while there are people who got in that I KNOW do their work the night before it is due and they get way with it because their work is abstract... And I know this because I spend hours and hours at school outside of class working on something for weeks, something it takes these people one night to do.

The reason they gave me for not getting in was that my work is "too much in the past" and not relateable to our time. Some of the professors on the jury told me I should give up completely and that I will never make it in the "art world" if I continue this way.

What the hell. What about the pre-raphaelites, what about neo-classicism, what about the work of Shakespeare, what about Opera? Many or these artists and artforms dealt with the past and with fantasy elements. They are highly regarded amoung many...Besides, I don't care about today, yes I live in reality the 21st century but does that mean I have to paint about it? I don't want to, I want to paint the reality that resides in my dreams and my fantasies. Maybe that is escapist, but so what?

I am so angry. I am such a fool for going to an art school where abstract art is in favor...And as mad as I might seem I am really heartbroken. I put so much on this, I have been working so hard keeping this goal always in mind and to know that the reason I was not accepted is not that I have a bad work ethic or can't paint, but because of my subject matter- its hard to not be hurt. I paint what I am passionate about, what interests me what captivates me and these people think it is crap and that I need to stop it?

Well I am not going to stop it. As far as I am concerned, I would never pick up a paintbrush again before painting things I have no passion for.

I am trying to be positive and be strong, but I can't help but feel bitter whenever I see the (last minute) people who got in and the professors who rejected me. I know I need to get over it, if I want to be an artist I have to learn how to accept rejection- it just sucks to know I don't have the support of the majority of my department.

I just want to get the hell out of this school. I am sick and tired of playing their games and now that I know this I have no incentive whatsoever to impress any of these teachers. I am going to do whatever I please, and only listen to the teachers whose work I respect. There are only two in the entire department whose work I admire anyway...the rest are primarily abstract artist who can't even teach me how to properly draw the human figure. Don't get me wrong, I don't think abstract art is crap but it is usually not my thing. I guess my art isn't these peoples thing either so WHATEVER

I'm not going to stop!

I can't figure out how to make this post not underlined, sorry!